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If you have developed strains with the man in your life and your sexual relationship has nosedived in the process, it is time you stopped playing the blame game and began introspecting. Even if his faults are numerous, you too have to take some of the responsibility. How have you been handling the problems? Are you drawing the worst out of him? Are you making that same one fatal error as scores of other women? Read on, and you may just discover the secret to not only improving your sexual relationship, but also saving your relationship from final demise.

The Problem

If you want to make your relationship work, think back to the time you started your relationship. You had sex because you were genuinely attracted to your partner, and you wanted to express your love. Cut to the present now. Like countless women around the world, you probably complain that your partner doesn't contribute with bringing up your child and/or running your home. So, what do you do?

You start to use sex as your trump card. Think, 'clean up or no sex for a week', or 'listen to me attentively or no sex' and so on. Even if you don't actually say these things, subconsciously you may have set up such penalties for your partner. So, now sex is no longer about mutual attraction. Rather, it is about rewarding your partner when he has been good, and punishing him when he is bad, as though he were a little boy. Many women see that it also works. Their partners crave sex, and they are willing to do what it takes. So, what's the problem with treating sex like a reward/penalty?

Plenty. First of all, you did not fall in love with a boy and you will not remain attracted to one. So, the moment you start treating your man as less than equal and dangle sex like a candy, chances are that you will start loosing your desire and sex will begin to feel boring, monotonous and even degrading. This will add to the strain in your relationship. Also, remember that your man does not think of himself as a boy, and in the long run he will probably begin to grudge you and hate you for treating him this way. He may also look outside the relationship to a woman who actually does treat him like a man.

What you can Do Better…

If you are interested to make your relationship work, it is important you change your view of the role of sex in your relationship. Start treating your man like an equal. Communicate with him, express your displeasure if you have to, and if you are not in the mood for it, don't have sex. But do not, at any cost, use sexual favors like a perpetual threat. Sex is best when it is an act of mutual respect and attraction, and worst when you are making him earn his 'sex reward points'. You need to remind yourself of the things that attracted you towards your man and that you respect him for, and remember these when you think of having sex with him.

Very simply, have sex when you feel like being satisfied by him and giving him pleasure in return. He may be a bit suspicious about your changed attitude at first, but when he begins to see that your sexual desire for him is genuine, he will respect you no end. Chances are that the strains in your relationship will come down dramatically and you will improve your sexual relationship by leaps and bounds. Best of luck, go make your relationship work!

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